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When Parents Undermine Your Expertise

Working for Other Families, Worrying About Your Own

You spend all week helping another family thrive. You adjust nap schedules, prep meals, monitor developmental milestones, and text updates to the parents about their child’s day. Then the weekend hits, and your own kids are waiting.

Maybe you picked up their kids from school while yours stayed late in aftercare. Maybe you prepped a nutritious dinner for their toddler and ordered pizza for your own home. Maybe you gave your full energy to a baby learning to crawl while replying to your teenager’s texts with "Can we talk later? I’m at work."

Being a nanny who is also a mother creates a kind of identity whiplash. One moment you’re viewed as an expert on parenting by your employers. The next, you’re second-guessing if giving your own kid screen time while you make dinner makes you a bad mom. It’s not just guilt, it’s emotional dissonance. You’re both deeply capable and constantly pulled thin.

The Schedule That Doesn’t Quit

Many nannies work unconventional hours: overnights, weekends, long travel stretches. According to the 2022 International Nanny Association (INA) Salary and Benefits Survey, nearly half of full-time nannies report working more than 40 hours per week, often without overtime protections. There’s often no healthcare, no sick days, no paid time off, just long shifts that include late nights, holidays, and weekends. Additionally, for many private part-time nannies, “part-time” can mean unpredictable schedules, last-minute calls, and high-demand hours that offer little stability.

Add to that the logistics of managing your own kids’ school drop-offs, homework, doctor visits, and dinnertime routines, not to mention your desire to give them real, undivided attention. mention your desire to give them undivided time and affection. It can feel like every decision is a trade-off: time, money, energy. There’s no “off switch” between caring for someone else’s children and showing up fully for your own.

Double Standards, Internal Conflicts

For a nanny, the mom guilt runs deeper. Because every day, you witness what consistency, enrichment, and tailored support can do. You see children thrive when their passions are nurtured, how violin lessons spark confidence, how after, school tutoring builds momentum, how weekends at the science museum turn into curious questions at dinner. And so, you try to recreate that magic at home.

Maybe your child lights up on the soccer field or spends hours sketching at the kitchen table. You do your best to say yes, to art supplies, to cleats, to late-night math help after your shift ends. But with resources stretched thin, reality catches up.

Sometimes it's the cost of all the activities you'd love to offer. Other times, it's the time you don’t have, to drive them across town or just be there when they need you most.

How to Reclaim Your Own Motherhood

There is no perfect solution, but there is also no prefect version of motherhood:

• Presence isn’t perfection: Missing a school performance doesn’t mean your child will feel forgotten. What they remember is how you show up over time.
• Stability isn’t about routine, it’s about relationship: Your home may run on odd hours and shifting schedules, but your child learns to trust in you, not the clock.
• Absence can plant strength: Maybe your kids don’t come home to your cooking every night, but maybe they learn to make dinner for you. And in doing so, they build independence, resilience, and compassion.
• Perspective isn’t purchased: You may not afford international trips or expensive toys, but raising curious, thoughtful kids can still give them a global view.
• Ambition isn’t exclusive: Top schools aren’t the only way to raise driven, curious kids. When they watch you set goals and keep going, they learn what ambition looks like in real life.

You Deserve Room to Be Both

You are not failing because you can’t do it all perfectly. You are doing two of the most demanding jobs in parallel. There is strength in showing up, imperfectly, vulnerably, consistently. Your kids might not always see the full picture, but they will remember the love, the effort, and the fact that you kept trying.

Juggling care at work and at home? From boundary-setting scripts to time-saving apps, these curated picks help you balance your own family life with professional caregiving. Explore the Double Duty Resource Shelf for books, podcasts, and tools designed for moms who do it all.